Bill Engvall Quotes

My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically.

Colombian humor is very black, very sarcastic.

Brits have a better sense of humor in most ways. It's darker, more cutting.

I'll speak for myself, but there's a lot of humor to be found in sarcasm and darkness. You talk to any paramedic, they survive by developing a pretty off-kilter sense of humor.

Wit is the epitaph of an emotion.

What I don't like is snark for snark's sake. If you are going to make fun of me, at least be witty while doing it.

I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.

I'm keeping my acerbic wit completely fueled.

I don't like magic - but I have been known to make guys disappear.

I come from a family of teasers myself. My grandfather was from Liverpool, and he had a dry sense of humor, and he would tease us terribly. My brother Beau was so skilled in his teasing that he could get a rise out of me by simply pointing at me.

If there's something funny to be said, I will say it.

I'm quite sarcastic, and I'm funny, but not kind of funny. It's a weird funny, and some people don't get me, and some people do.

I didn't even realize I was writing songs - I thought I was just being witty and sarcastic.

There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature - the malice of a good thing is the barb that makes it stick.

Stupidity is not my strong suit.

Glad to eat ya', I mean meet ya'" - Digger

Are you always a smartass?' Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.

Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee.

A sense of humor is so handy, isn't it? It lets you see both sides of a question so that you never need do anything.

Sarcasm and compassion are two of the qualities that make life on Earth tolerable.

Being witty was the only side effect of being depressed that was working for me.

People would always say to me, "Why are you wearing such large frames?" And I would say, "The bigger to see you."

Truth, when witty, is the wittiest of all things.

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"

Hey," says Hayden, "I'm Switzerland; neutral as can be, and also with great chocolate." "Get lost," Roland tells him. "Already am." And Hayden strolls away.