BILL ENGVALL

When 'Blue Collar TV' was on the 'WB,' we were their second-highest rated show, but they didn't know what to do with us. They had 'Reba,' which was number one, and we were number two, and they didn't want to be known as the hayseed network, so they kind of dropped us, even though we were pulling great numbers.

I'm from Texas. You would think my biggest draw would be in that state. But my biggest draw is Pennsylvania.

People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don't want to turn on the TV and say, 'What is this crap?'

I was doing a bit that stupid people should be slapped. But the more I did it, the more I didn't like that connotation, the violence and all that. The more I thought about it, I thought they should just wear signs. And, man, it just took off.

I don't do politics, I don't do religion, I don't do ethnic jokes.

To be honest with you, I still eat whatever I want. It's all about portion control. I still love pizza, but instead of eating half, I eat a slice.

No sooner my kids leave their friends than they start texting them. And it's all in code in a language I totally don't understand.

I have been passed over on some things because people didn't think I was edgy enough. But the people who took those gigs are gone now, and I am still here.

Now people live into their 90s and beyond. As long as I have quality of life, I'm good.

I love to laugh, and laughter is one of my favorite things. When you have a really good laugh, you feel great afterwards.

What I do is not regional comedy, and it is not based in the southern area.

My favorite road trip ever is when my wife and I took an RV around the country. We just had the best time.

I don't have big time celebrity friends - I'm just a guy.

The one thing people like about my show is it's universal. Everybody can relate to it. I think people enjoy going to a show and saying, 'Something like that happened to me.'

I like to hang on to cars. I'm not one of these guys that goes flipping cars all the time. If I find a car I like, I stick with it.

I hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that just say, 'I'm stupid.'

Left to my own vices, all I would own is a Corvette, and it would be broken down.

I have fun on stage, so people think maybe they should, too.

I've never said I was the best dancer, and I never said I was a good dancer.

I haven't been really nervous about a gig in a long time.

It's fun being Bill Engvall.

My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are... the ones breaking into your house.

I can't count the number of times I've been sound asleep, woke up, and I was doing my hair.

There's a lot of things I believe in this world. I believe in God, I believe in the United States of America, and I support and believe in the Second Amendment.

If you watch the 'Blue Collar Tour,' I was probably the least redneck of everybody.