Clever Response Quotes

It doesn't bother me when someone calls me a 'dumb blonde.' I'm neither dumb or blonde.

My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.

Well," he said, "f’r example, if they ask where you’ve come from, you could say ‘Behind me,’and if they asked where you’re going, you’d say ‘In front of me.

Not an insult sweetie. That was a thirteen word kiss.

He's not too short. He's just... concentrated.

I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I swear he said, Tire go flat? I couldn't resist. Said, Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign.

And if my present actions strike you as foolish, let's just say I've been accused of folly by a fool.

Audiences are always better pleased with a smart retort, some joke or epigram, than with any amount of reasoning.

When I got to the NFL, they asked me what number I wanted, and I said No. 44, but they told me tight ends are not allowed to have that number. So I said, 'Just double it up for me if you can' and took No. 88. I figured I'd be twice as good as I was.

Oh, here's a clever one. Do you remember this question from the first test?It reads, 'What wrong with this statement?' And do you know what Constance wrote in reply? She wrote, 'What's wrong with you?

Lysander, when Dionysius sent him two gowns, and bade him choose which he would carry to his daughter, said, "She can choose best," and so took both away with him.

People would always say to me, "Why are you wearing such large frames?" And I would say, "The bigger to see you."

I'm not bald. I'm just taller than my hair.

Are you currently at your house?" he asked. "Um, no," I said. "That was a trick question. I knew the answer, because I am currently at your house.

Lay in the weeds and wait, and when you get your chance to say something, say something good.

When people asked me what I did, I'd say, 'I work in publishing', and when they then say, 'What side of it?', I say, 'Supply' - no doubt leaving them to think I drive the books around in a van and deliver them.

If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't I'll just respond cleverly.