Phyllis Diller Quotes

I don't get many hecklers now but answering them is an art form in itself.

It's going to be the year of the sharp elbow and the quick tongue.

You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well. It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them.

Let's say there was a fat guy heckling me. I would rip him to shreds, but I would never go for the obvious, never talk about how he's fat or anything.

Verbally, I'm quite fast on my feet. I could embarrass or anger most people if I wanted to.

If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.

I love to have battles of the wits with people that can dish fast and dirty - and it leads to problems occasionally, 'cause I can sound mean without attempting to be mean.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

I'm so bad at spontaneous impressions.

I wish I had the ability to crack wise, generally. You know, without getting punched. There's no way I could do it while getting beaten up. Definitely.

I get hecklers all the time!

There is never hesitation about doing stand-up. It's just me doing my thing.

I'm not a good joke teller.

I started by doing a little funny story, and then I started going to open mics. I realized I had a lot of work to do - you have to get over the stage fright and get your stage presence up. It took me some time, but I finally feel that I'm at a point where I feel comfortable on stage and giving my point of view.

Doing comedy is very challenging, as I am a shy person in real life.

Especially when I'm heckled, that's a sticky situation because I don't defuse it... I really envy guys who have a grittier onstage presence and can really go after someone. I used to teach preschool.

The moment for me, thinking I might actually want to do comedy professionally, was when I did public speaking at school. I found out I was good at getting up in front of class. In the fifth grade, I did a speech on comedy.

I think, in a way, the stand-up prepped me for the improv, because I do a lot of riffing in my stand-up.

Anyone who knows me knows how sharp my mind is. I speak at a thousand miles an hour. I'll hold a discussion or a debate with anyone.

Every heckler is unique because they say something, and you react to what they say or what they're wearing or who they're with, so every response to a heckle is unique.

I do pauses, pauses work for me

You're young and dumb and quick at the tongue.

I wish my horse had the speed of your tongue.

When hecklers stand up, I get a mental jump for joy. It gives me something to get my teeth into - and the audiences love it.

Timing is everything in life and in golf.