Groucho Marx Quotes

A government full of Democrats would rather have you be a Republican, and a government full of Republicans would rather have you be a Democrat, than have you oppose both.

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!

Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.

The difference between Democrats and Republicans is like the difference between Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dummer.

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

There is only one party in the United States: the Property party... and it has two right wings: Republican and Democrat.

We have this civil war at home between our own version of Shiites and Sunnis called Republicans and Democrats…

Democrats have bad ideas and Republicans have no ideas.

I can't go out with a Republican.

I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.

Again, if I was going to call Romney and the Republicans stupid, I'm certainly not going to call the Democrats and President Obama stupid.

Friends, there is no Left in American politics.

I don't understand how anybody's still a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they're basing it on.

It's nice to say let's be bipartisan. But we're a partisan nation. We were raised as a partisan nation.

If Democrats were good at thinking like Republicans, they would see the light and stop being Democrats.

The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don’t acknowledge this. They claim membership in two imaginary parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, instead.

Republicans sleep in twin beds—some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats.

There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It's going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it's the Democrats.

I'm not someone who thinks Republicans are always wrong and Democrats are always right.

There are things that some Democrats say I agree with and some things that I disagree with. And it's the same with the Republicans.

The only thing dumber than a Democrat or a Republican is when those pricks work together. You see, in our two-party system, the Democrats are the party of no ideas and the Republicans are the party of bad ideas. It usually goes something like this. A Republican will stand up in Congress and say, 'I've got a really bad idea.' And a Democrat will immediately jump to his feet and declare, 'And I can make it sh*ttier.'

Great drama is all about conflict, and what's a better conflict than Republican-Democrat?

Now, most of the time I'm going to agree with the Democrats and disagree with the Republicans.

I say Republicans aren't right all the time. Democrats aren't wrong all the time - now, maybe most of the time, but not all the time.

I think it has done us more harm believing in the huge differences between left and right, Democrat and Republican.