Political Satire Quotes

To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell him the truth.

Why should I nationalize the industry. I shall nationalize the people.

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!

May you be as rich as a Republican and have the sex life of a Democrat.

[Referring to Abraham Lincoln:] The President is nothing more than a well-meaning baboon.... I went to the White house ... where I found "the original Gorilla" about as intelligent as ever. What a specimen to be at the head of our affairs now!

We have the best government that money can buy.

In Full Frontal and K Street, I learned to take advantage of the mobility that digital provides.

Democracy is ... a form of religion; it is the worship of jackals by jackasses.

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

As I say, I can't wait until Congress - half of Congress can get pregnant so we can quit fighting about birth control and Planned Parenthood.

I have always said, the first Whig [Liberal] was the Devil.

If a conservative is a liberal who's been mugged, a liberal is a conservative who's been arrested.

Politics. Where fat, bald, disagreeable men, unable to be a candidate themselves, teach a president how to act on a public stage.

A recession is when a neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.

Barack Obama is an educated fool. He is viewed as the white man in blackface in the community.

If Donald Trump ran for President, it would be great for us comedians. It would not be good for anybody else, but it would be terrific for us.

If you're a conservative, you think I'm Satan.

I don't want to abolish government. I simply want to reduce it to the size where I can drag it into the bathroom and drown it in the bathtub.

If I am nominated [for the presidency], I will not run. If I am elected, I will not serve. But if you beg me, I just might reconsider.

Whenever anybody is pursuing power, he's got to be funny.

You call my candidate a horse thief, and I call yours a lunatic, and we both of us know it's just till election day. It's an American custom, like eating corn on the cob. And, afterwards, we settle down quite peaceably and agree we've got a pretty good country - until next election.

Then there was communism's weak-tea sister, socialism. Socialists maintained that we shouldn't take all the money away from all the people since all the people don't have money. We should take all the money away from only the people who make money. Then, when we run out of that, we could take more money from the people who...hey, wait! Where'd you people go? What do you mean you're "tax exiles in Monaco?"

I think it's always a good time to be in a political film in America because there's so much material for comedy.

My country has in its wisdom contrived for me the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived.