WILL ROGERS

Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this', and they didn't, they got worse.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.

This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die.

The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.

The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.

There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail.

When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states.

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.

You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.

An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.