Johnny Carson Quotes

Most people are Democrats because they hate something; most people are Republicans because they love something.

Republicans sleep in twin beds—some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats.

Most people don't see themselves as Democrats or Republicans. They see themselves as Americans.

I love Romney. It is not his fault that he is the son of a successful governor and makes $20 million a year.

I love the Upper West Side. I walk down the street all the time and am stopped by Democrats. I don't think they've ever actually met a Republican before.

I'm also politically independent so I'm not a fan of either the Democrats in Congress or the Republicans in Congress.

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats.

Whether we're Democrats or Republicans or independents, we have to learn to hang together or we're gonna hang separately.

A bureaucrat is a Democrat who has a job some Republican wants.

My family [old-line Nebraska Republicans] can't figure out which is worse, being a Democrat or being an attorney.

The Democrat’s worst fear is that somebody, somewhere is making money. And the Republicans are afraid that people are having fun. Well, we like to do both.

In New York, the opposite of a Democrat is not a Republican; it’s a Fascist.

You go wherever the laugh is. I think in that respect Republicans have been a little better for us.

Democrats name their children after politicians, athletes, and entertainers. Republicans name their children after whichever grandparent has the most money.

I know a guy--a gambler who bets on politics. He made so much money betting on the Democrats that he became a Rep ublican.

Clinton's pet Labrador, Buddy, is getting neutered. The dog will never have sex again. Overnight, they've turned Buddy from a Democrat into a Republican.

A Republican moves slowly. They are what we call conservatives. A conservative is a man who has plenty of money and doesn't see any reason why he shouldn't always have plenty of money. A Democrat is a fellow who never had any, but doesn't see any reason why he shouldn't have some.

Please tell me you're Republicans.

There is a big difference between a disappointing friend and a deadly enemy. Of course the Democrats are disappointing. That's what makes them Democrats. If they were any more frustrating they'd be your relatives. But in this country they are all that stands between you and darkest night. You know why their symbol is the letter 'D'? Because it's a grade that means good enough, but just barely. You know why the Republican symbol is 'R'? Because it's the noise a pirate makes when he robs you and feeds you to a shark.

I hope you're all Republicans.

There is something about a Republican that you can only stand him just so long; and on the other hand, there is something about a Democrat that you can't stand him quite that long.

I became a Republican when a very wise young lady asked me how I could remain a Democrat when I didn't agree with what they stood for and did agree with what the Republicans supported.

I was a Clinton Democrat for twenty years.

You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat.