Jimmy Carr Quotes

Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, "Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before."

Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say 'I already know that.' Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about out how to avoid him in the future.

I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.

I jest, of course; premature ejaculation isn't a laughing matter for anyone, except for your friends when you tell them about it on the phone the next morning. My first marriage ended because the main event was invariably over before my husband got his socks off.

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

A lot of times, women don't get the male perspective in regards to a relationship, what men go through when they're not really dealing well.

My high school girlfriend would ask if I finally learned how to unbutton the back of a sweater!

I daresay I was the worst bed partner in five continents.

If you have ever been to couples therapy it's really, really challenging.

My girlfriend doesn't think I'm funny at all.

A lot of times, women complain about men around them. It's not always someone else's fault. If you're the common denominator in 57 different relationships that didn't work out, then maybe, just maybe... it's you!

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower.

I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!

A lot of shows have couples with issues inside the relationship.

Often, little situations trigger enormous reactions. Be there, present for it. Your partner will find it easier to see it in you, and you will find it easier to see it in them.

There were some things I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about depression in public, I wanted to talk about being in the shadow of people I've dated and people I worked with publicly.

I like jokes and one-liners. I enjoy entertaining and making people laugh, being the funny man. But when I'm launched into unfamiliar environments I shut down, and as I relax then my character emerges.

My girlfriend is sad and quiet and keeps me up all night worrying about her.

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours o the morning when he would go surfing. He thought it might be fun to have me come watch. "Fun for who?" I wanted to ask. i had never asked him to come to Happy Hour and watch me drink.