GARRY SHANDLING

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship.

When I don't have a good time, it's usually because there's a stiffness that stifles creativity.

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't.

I'd like to do more acting.

I feel that everything I do in my life I can do in a shorter time than most men can. It's the quality, not the quantity.

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.

I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because there's so much at stake and the fear of failure looms large.

I may discuss love, and I don't mind if two men fall in love, fine. Two women, fine. But I flinch when I think of two Jewish women getting together and having a child because the idea of having two Jewish mothers makes my head explode. I have one; I couldn't handle two.

I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out.

I like to talk on the cell when I do interviews. That way, I double my chances of getting brain cancer: from the cell phone, and from the questions.

I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe it would be fun occasionally. It's hard for me to have fun and I'm a serious thinker and a searcher and funny from the front.

I keep my scrapbooks in the car. When I come to a stoplight, I start looking through my past. Sometimes I wish the red lights were longer.

Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.

Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with.

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships, because I do have commitment issues. My friends tell me I have intimacy problems, but they don't know me, so who cares what they think?

Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me.

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there.

I am interested in how human beings react to crisis and conflict.

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.