Sexual Dysfunction Quotes

Impotence is one of the major hazards of cigarette smoking.

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

The fear of appearances is the first symptom of impotence.

There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys". Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."

I jest, of course; premature ejaculation isn't a laughing matter for anyone, except for your friends when you tell them about it on the phone the next morning. My first marriage ended because the main event was invariably over before my husband got his socks off.

There's no such thing as free love. Have you seen the price of Viagra?

I drank, I used drugs, I broke into houses, sniffed women's undergarments. I ate Benzedrex inhalers, jacked off for 18 hours at a pop, lived with my dad in a shitpad.

Clint Eastwood's sex therapist, who said to Clint, Do it any which way you can, but no sudden impact. Never got a dinner!

Bob Dole is going to be appearing in a Pepsi commercial with Britney Spears. Yeah, apparently Dole says that if this doesn't cure his erectile dysfunction, nothing will.

Erections, Ejaculations,Exhibitions and General Tales of Ordinary Madness.

Sometimes when I don't want to cry, I cry. And when I want to I can't. It's subconscious. Like sexual performance.

It had better be. It doesn't do much when it's soft.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

When things don't work well in the bedroom, they don't work well in the living room either.

I started out to be a sex fiend, but I couldn't pass the physical.

it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance

I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.

We need to have profound compassion for the people who are dealing with the very real issue of sexual dysfunction in their life, and sexual identity disorders. This is a very real issue. It's not funny, it's sad. Any of you who have members of your family that are in the lifestyle-we have a member of our family that is. This is not funny. It's a very sad life. It's part of Satan, I think, to say this is gay. It's anything but gay.

She's vibrator dependent.

Medicare will pay for Viagra but they won’t for eyeglasses. They give you a hardon, but they won’t let you see where to put it.

A lot of men are impotent and it's very sad. How many of you are impotent? I see. Can't get your arms up either?

The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly.

I think for most of us, our biggest frailties are sexual.

Men and women straying from the Catholic faith have abandoned themselves to devils, incubi and succubi, and by incantations … have slain infants in the mother’s womb …. They hinder men from performing the sex act and women from conceiving …