Erma Bombeck Quotes

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

To my everlasting relief, he’d also stopped with the starch a few years back . The military made him big on spray starch, but I point-blank refused to touch the stuff after a while. He finally gave up doing it himself, and I manfully restrained myself from pointing out that the world didn’t explode when he did. And they say maturity is just for adults.

Don't you know, that all wives are in the right? It may be you don't, for you are yet a young husband.

It appears that ordinary men take wives because possession is not possible without marriage, and that ordinary women accept husbands because marriage is not possible without possession

A house does not need a wife any more than it needs a husband.

One wife is too much for most husbands to bear, But two at a time there's no mortal can bear.

The unhappiness of a wife with a good husband is much more devastating than the unhappiness of a wife with a bad husband.

A loving wife will do anything for her husband except stop criticizing him and trying to improve him.

Somehow we've even developed the notion that a woman who seeks to meet her husband's needs is subservient (but a husband who fails to meet his wife's needs is a pig.)

Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

My husband really loves the red [lipstick], so I keep the red because I want to keep the husband.

My wife has lived with at least five different men since we were wed - and each of the five has been me.

He was doubtless an understanding Fellow that said, there was no happy Marriage but betwixt a blind Wife and a deaf Husband.

He set the suitcases in the back then tossed her the keys. "You drive." She repressed a smile as she climbed behind the wheel. "With each passing day, your reasons for wanting a wife become clearer.

There is a big difference between thinking: I'm in a relationship and something's wrong. Therefore something must be wrong with the relationship. and thinking I'm in a relationship and we've got problems. This is evidence that you are different than me.

[I]t is dangerous for a bride to be apologetic about her husband.

First the husband tried to make the wife his possession, and once she is a possession he loses interest. There is some hidden logic in it: his whole interet was to possess; now that is finished, and he would like to try some other woman so he can again go on another trip of possesion.

I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.

I never ask my wife about my flaws. Instead I try to get her to ignore them and concentrate on my sense of humor.

Gray imagined Kat scolding her husband in an operatic duet that has been going on between husbands and wives for ages, that eternal mix of exasperation and love." -- James Rollins

Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love.