Noel Fielding Quotes

It's funny what actors take issue with. Some won't do parts where animals are in jeopardy; some won't ever play anyone remotely unlikable - 'Heroes only, please.' Some won't do violence. I have no such qualms.

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

All men are equal before fish.

There's a deep underlying unpredictability to life that is thrilling. In China, my wife would say you go out to buy toilet paper, and you come back, and something interesting or revealing or funny happened on the way.

Well, he doesn't make me laugh. I think I've got a fair sense of humour but I can't really see it in him. I've listened to his show on the radio on a Saturday morning, and that's a load of mince as well.

Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children.

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

John Ford was so funny that I couldn't wait to go to work in the morning.

My grandmother was not a highly educated woman but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed.

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours o the morning when he would go surfing. He thought it might be fun to have me come watch. "Fun for who?" I wanted to ask. i had never asked him to come to Happy Hour and watch me drink.

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.

I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.

People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.

Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button.

I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.

Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.

I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.

I had my coat hangers spayed.