NOEL FIELDING

When you're famous, you can't go to Topshop. Even when I disguise myself in a moustache, baseball cap, sunglasses - the full Madonna kit - it doesn't work: my stupid face is too big.

I guess standup is really painting pictures with words - especially for me, as I describe quite fantastical, visual things. My art teacher, Dexter Dalwood, always seemed to think they were linked. We bonded over our love of Vic Reeves.

Over the years, I've trained my hair to do what I say, and it's usually well behaved. I often reward my hair with special treats when it pleases me.

I've never been to Hawaii. It looks amazing.

The combination of us two was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. You meet someone, and you just work, you have chemistry on stage, and writing.

You're still young. Don't panic. It's hard to know what you should be doing in your 20s. Try different things, have some fun, and see what happens.

People keep asking me if the Boosh is coming back, and I say, 'I hope so.' I'm not bothered people ask me about it. TV's become quite disposable, so to make something that lasts a bit of time - it won't last forever - is quite nice.

There's a little pond near my house, and I see two swans there all the time who are obviously in love. But they look like the same bird, so I don't know if they're male or female, but they're definitely in love.

I bought two sculptures of two baboons called Lord and Lady Muck on an antique piece of furniture from an art exhibition, and it was quite expensive. It was very expensive, actually - way too expensive.

When we got quite big and were generating a lot of money through the arenas, we became quite a big thing, and a lot of managers appeared, and it became a big machine, like we were in Pink Floyd or something, and I don't think we were into that. We didn't really compromise.

When you're 14 and you're with your friends, you laugh about really stupid stuff, but as you get older, the laughter inside you dies. When you're older, you need a bit of help.

On my show, nobody's being paid more than me. I don't ask what they're being paid - I just make sure they're not getting more than me.

I actually went to Wimbledon, and David Attenborough was sat in the row in front of me, and I thought that was quite amazing. That's insane, isn't it? He's, like, a proper person.

They were too young to be proper parents. They never said, 'You've got to go to bed or you'll be tired for school'. They didn't mind - they let me stay up.

I just like to build. Don't get me wrong: I think stand-up is great, and when someone like Richard Pryor or Steve Martin does stand-up, there's nothing better in the world. But I don't want to watch a lot of stand-ups for two hours. So I can do 45 minutes of stand-up and then say, 'Can we do something else now?'

The Monkees? I heard that they were quite into their party scene at one point.

I hate recycling. I don't think it exists. I think they've made it up to give people jobs. They deliver these stupid little Tupperware boxes and tell me, 'You're not using your recycling box!' Who are they? They're not the police.

I'm involved with this exhibition, which is a collection of Nobby Clarke's photos of the opening night of my own art exhibition.

I like to warm them up with stand-up, get them into my world and tone, and then bring other characters on. There's so much you can do theatrically on stage. You keep changing the direction and angles, and then people don't get bored.

My first gigs were at university: I'd dress up as Jesus, jump off a cross and dance to a Mick Jagger song. I don't know if it was funny or not, but it was a start.

I'd rather do smaller theaters, because it's more fun for the audience and more fun for me. I like to build up demand.

People like to put you a box. I've always been the wrong shape. Maybe you are, too. I think all the people who are wrong shapes for boxes should go out and march into the streets singing, 'We are the shapes! We don't fit the box.'

My mum and dad are quite hippyish, so I'm pretty naive. I take everyone at face value.

I hate my feet. I don't like my hands, either: they're like lions' paws. When I was in the Boosh, in a catsuit and gold heels, I was constantly thinking, 'I hate the way I look.' I should have just enjoyed myself, because that was as good as it was going to get.

I still feel about 22. I don't understand, actually. I mean, as I got older, I thought there would be things like, 'I need a house now', 'I need kids', 'I need a licence to drive', but I have never really had that happen. I guess that forms part of my appeal for the people who like the stuff I do: I'm not a real person - I'm a gypsy.