Noel Fielding Quotes

I'm a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough whiskey for three, and enough women for four.

Bring in the bottled lightning, a clean tumbler, and a corkscrew.

I don't know if I've ever derived such an immediate sense of calm and well-being from any book as I did from 'Right Ho, Jeeves.' It was like I was Pac-Man and the book was a power-up.

Mellow doesn't always make for a good story, but it makes for a good life.

Ye good and virtuous Americans--come! whether business or pleasure be your object--call and be refreshed at the sign of Washington. Here money and merit will secure you respect and honor, and a hearty welcome to choice liquors and to sumptuous fare. Is it cold? You shall find a comfortable fire. Is it warm? Sweet repose under a cool and grassy shade. In short, every exertion shall be made to grace the sign of the hero and statesman who was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.

I like whiskey and I like vodka, too. And beer.

I think if you were to ask me when I was much younger what my definition of the good life was, I think it would have sounded a lot like what most people would say - a life with all the things you want and everything you think you need to make you happy, and these sorts of things.

You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.

When you work hard all day with your head and know you must work again the next day what else can change your ideas and make them run on a different plane like whisky?

A scotch buzz is the best buzz in the world.

Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island?

At times like this, adults need a drink

I love coffee in a cup, little fuzzy pups, bourbon in a glass, and grass.

Jake 'The Snake's' two best friends are Jim Beam & Jack Daniels.

My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.

I haven't had an alcoholic drink in 22 years, but when I did drink I'd go for either Canadian whisky or Budweiser. Sometimes both. For a long time I used to think "Hey you, get off the floor!" was my name.

A man cannot make him laugh; but that's no marvel; he drinks no wine.... If I had a thousand sons, the first human principle I would teach them should be, to forswear thin potations and to addict themselves to sack.

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.

Give me a bed and a book and I am happy.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat.

I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.