Sheilah Graham Quotes

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.

I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities, though - I like to call them 'places to put stuff'. 'Do you know where I can store a pea' 'Yes, I have some locations available.'

No wonder he has such nice teeth. They probably pay him in dental floss.

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

Never floss with a stranger.

When you get down to it, at it's root, Comedy is truth, absurdity, and pain. One of my little mottos is: 'Do you remember the Peanuts cartoon where Charlie Brown kicked the football and kissed the Little Red Haired Girl? Neither do I.'

When things get so absurd and so stupid and so ridiculous that you just can't bear it, you cannot help but turn everything into a joke.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?

I'm English. Our dentistry is not world famous.

I'm too old-fashioned to use a computer. I'm too old-fashioned to use a quill.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

I am a student of stupidity. I am a political reporter.

Nothing is off-limits. There's just some things I cannot crack. Politics I can't do. When I start to talk about it, I just get really angry and super sincere. I have never found a way to craft all of that absurdity into funny.

The common thread of my comedy shows is conflict and, I guess, the frustration of people who either argue with you or just say stuff which is blatantly incorrect, and nobody calls them out on it.

I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.

I don't mess around when it comes to brushing my teeth. Properly brushed, twice a day, every day, to get my day started.

You need teeth like mine!" Grandma said. "You can just mail 'em to the dentist!

This was a place where tattoos outnumbered teeth.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.

I've had dentists who have wanted to help me out, but I say, 'You know, I won't work again if you fix my teeth.'

Like going to the dentist, where you write: "Dental appointment today. All of the dentists in Boulder are 'holistic.' They can't fill a cavity but they're good for your soul. Your teeth rot, but apparently your spirit prospers."

I was certified to take x-rays, but you can't just show up and start cleaning people's teeth.

The porpoises said hello to Molly. She told them all her teeth were green.