Dorothy Parker Quotes

I'm keeping my acerbic wit completely fueled.

I don't mess around when it comes to brushing my teeth. Properly brushed, twice a day, every day, to get my day started.

There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature - the malice of a good thing is the barb that makes it stick.

A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don't think of it first.

Well, I can throw a mean comeback, so there's that. I will crush them on wit.

I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.

I've had dentists who have wanted to help me out, but I say, 'You know, I won't work again if you fix my teeth.'

Like going to the dentist, where you write: "Dental appointment today. All of the dentists in Boulder are 'holistic.' They can't fill a cavity but they're good for your soul. Your teeth rot, but apparently your spirit prospers."

Bad dental hygiene can lead to respiratory infections and an increased risk for heart disease and strokes.

Ben rubbed his muzzle over Kyle’s shoulder in a way that I think was supposed to be reassuring. Kyle sucked in a breath. Either it hurt, or the reminder that the werewolf was big enough to rub his shoulder without much effort wasn’t exactly reassuring. “Ben, when was the last time you brushed your teeth?” asked Kyle. Or else Ben’s breath was really bad.

I was certified to take x-rays, but you can't just show up and start cleaning people's teeth.

Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."

Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions.

One should have wit, but not wish to have it; otherwise there will be witticism, the Alexandrian style of wit.

Truth, when witty, is the wittiest of all things.

Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.

I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can't go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few fools left. ALGERNON: We have. JACK: I should extremely like to meet them. What do they talk about? ALGERNON: The fools? Oh! about the clever people of course. JACK: What fools.

Like a frog, the aphorist waits for something to fly by that he can catch with his tongue.

Those who object to wit are envious of it.

You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it.

I masturbate. A lot. And yet, I don't floss because it's too much of a hassle. Ten seconds of joy over a lifetime of tooth decay, that's what I've chosen.

True wit never made us laugh.

I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that stuff's under control. I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in anything. That's actually kind of gross. After that joke, I have to clarify that I'm just joking.