Steven Wright Quotes

'W1A' is heightened naturalism, whereas 'The Windsors' is like the fever dream of a 'National Enquirer' reader.

In a satire, you need foolishness.

That's what people forget about, is that when things are very, very powerful in a sad way, they have that possibility of also being over-the-top, hysterically funny.

If you're going to be ridiculous, be over-the-top ridiculous.

People say the comedy is so shocking, but if you read newspapers or look around generally - I mean, obviously I'm not writing about all the lovely things that there are, which I do see as well - but there is a lot of outrageousness around, slightly covered up. And obviously, it's fun to take that a little bit further.

I love when people overexaggerate. It's so funny to me.

It's a challenge to do satire when the thing you're satirizing is almost beyond satire, but I think that's a challenge for everybody.

Whatever Brett Favre does, it's a sign of the apocalypse.

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.

For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]

Who but an English professor would threaten to kill a duck a day and hold up a goose as an example?

I've got a Ferrari. VROOM! I do 104 from the garage to the front door.

At least, not in this country,' she added after a moment's thought. 'In China it's a little different. Once I saw a Chinaman in Shanghai. His ears were so big he could use them for a raincoat. When it rained, he just crept in under his ears and was warm and snug as could be. Not that the ears had such a rattling good time of it, you understand. If it was specially bad weather, he'd invite friends and acquaintances to pitch camp under his ears too. There they sat, singing their sorrowful songs while it poured down outside.

What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.

This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.

Yes, heaven forbid I not be protected from tanks.

I haven't laughed so much over anything since the hogs ate my kid brother.

Poetic simile was strictly limited to statements like 'his mighty steed was as fleet as the wind on a fairly calm day, say about Force Three,' and any loose talk about a beloved having a face that launched a thousand ships would have to be backed by evidence that the object of desire did indeed look like a bottle of champagne.

We told Stanley Roberts to go on a water diet, and Lake Superior disappeared.

My eyes rolled so far back in my head that I could see myself think

She looked at me and laughed pointlessly. Then she flounced over to the dog, kissed it with ecstasy, and swept into the kitchen, implying that a dozen chefs awaited her orders there.

Only last week I murdered a rock, injured a stone and hospitalized a brick.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.

There is no credit to being a comedian, when you have the whole Government working for you. All you have to do is report the facts. I dont even have to exaggerate.