Bill Cosby Quotes

I thought it would be funny to go to my Korean dry cleaner and ask her about my head shot, as if it's the most important thing in the world, and as if it's something that everyone should weigh on because it's important to me.

I love when people overexaggerate. It's so funny to me.

At least, not in this country,' she added after a moment's thought. 'In China it's a little different. Once I saw a Chinaman in Shanghai. His ears were so big he could use them for a raincoat. When it rained, he just crept in under his ears and was warm and snug as could be. Not that the ears had such a rattling good time of it, you understand. If it was specially bad weather, he'd invite friends and acquaintances to pitch camp under his ears too. There they sat, singing their sorrowful songs while it poured down outside.

You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

Satire works best when it hews close to the line between the outlandish and the possible - and as that line continues to grow thinner, the satirist's task becomes ever more difficult.

Apparently, I am a bit of an exaggerator when I tell stories. But I don't call them lies; I say they are better, funnier truths.

More eccentric characters can push pretty far, but if you stay on the side of reality, it's always funnier.

'Discworld' is taking something that you know is ridiculous and treating it as if it is serious, to see if something interesting happens when you do so.

My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it.'

My mother says I was vaccinated with a phonograph needle. I love to talk. I just love to talk.

The people of the State of Texas consist principally of men, women, and children, with a sprinkling of cowboys. The weather is very good, thermometer rarely rising above 2,500 degrees in the shade and hardly ever below 212.

I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny.

In a satire, you need foolishness.

Every funny story has at least one unusual thing in it.

As a kid, I was always the jokester. I was telling stories at dinner and trying to make people laugh.

Getting a laugh was what I'd been doing with my family and at school since the age of three.

If you're going to be ridiculous, be over-the-top ridiculous.

People say the comedy is so shocking, but if you read newspapers or look around generally - I mean, obviously I'm not writing about all the lovely things that there are, which I do see as well - but there is a lot of outrageousness around, slightly covered up. And obviously, it's fun to take that a little bit further.

It's a challenge to do satire when the thing you're satirizing is almost beyond satire, but I think that's a challenge for everybody.

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.

I haven't laughed so much over anything since the hogs ate my kid brother.

We told Stanley Roberts to go on a water diet, and Lake Superior disappeared.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."