Dennis Miller Quotes

This diamond has so many carats it's almost a turnip.

Only last week I murdered a rock, injured a stone and hospitalized a brick.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

Satire works best when it hews close to the line between the outlandish and the possible - and as that line continues to grow thinner, the satirist's task becomes ever more difficult.

I'm ridiculous, I'm ludicrous.

In a satire, you need foolishness.

I love when people overexaggerate. It's so funny to me.

It's a challenge to do satire when the thing you're satirizing is almost beyond satire, but I think that's a challenge for everybody.

I like to think of myself as the corniest, most awful thing you could possibly imagine.

We told Stanley Roberts to go on a water diet, and Lake Superior disappeared.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

I think I was 5ft 9in at birth.

And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

A friend of mine is a chef in Bali, and another friend said, 'God, he's like Brad Pitt,' and I said, 'Yeah, I think he's more like arm Pitt,' 'cause, you know, 'Brad Pitt' would be a bit of an overstatement.

Optimism isn't funny unless you are laughing at the person, whereas extreme pessimism is extremely funny. It's exaggeration.

Well what's funny is, again, people say they believed what was going on, but again, Bob's hands are about three times bigger than his feet. So these are very caricatured.

I'm superstitious... but not like wear the same underwear for two weeks superstitious.

Fools are my theme, let satire be my song.

Everything can be satirized.

Satire is fascinating stuff. It's deadly serious, and when politics begin to break down, there is a drift towards satire, because it's the only thing that makes any sense.

I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor.

When things get so absurd and so stupid and so ridiculous that you just can't bear it, you cannot help but turn everything into a joke.

Comedy is unusual people in real situations; farce is real people in unusual situations.