humorous exaggeration Quotes

I pulled a hamstring during the New York City Marathon. An hour into the race, I jumped off the couch.

If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion

If bad decorating was a hanging offense, there'd be bodies hanging from every tree!

I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.

I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.

My teammates give me a hard time about that all the time, 'Hey, if you catch the ball and get in an open field, I want you to long jump from the 10 into the end zone.'... I might make it happen one of these days.

My mother was the worst cook ever. In school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

If Jack Nicklaus had to play my tee shots, he couldn't break 80. He'd be a pharmacist with a string of drugstores in Ohio.

You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

Why, did you know that if a beaver two feet long with a tail a foot and a half long can build a dam twelve feet high and six feet wide in two days, all you would need to build Boulder Dam is a beaver sixty-eight feet long with a fifty-one-foot tail?" "Where would you find a beaver that big?" grumbled the Humbug as his pencil point snapped. "I'm sure I don't know," he replied, "but if you did, you'd certainly know what to do with him.

The s - t I put on Instagram, in a lot of ways, I'm making fun of what it actually is. Some of the things I put on there are absolutely ridiculous because parts of my life are absolutely ridiculous.

Do y’all have enough stun guns for them? (Madaug) Does a bear defecate rurally? What kind of question is that for someone who owns the biggest gun store in town? Of course I got plenty. I got enough Tasers to light up New York City AND Boston just for giggles. (Bubba)