Kinky Friedman Quotes

Mike drank straight from the carton, wiped his mouth, and stared at her. "You've been acting freaky. Are you high? Can I have some if you are?

Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.

If drunk were cookies, I'd be Famous Amos

Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, "Let's get high and have fun." So they're high; now they're paranoid. "Am I falling out of this chair?"

If not for me being stoned and clinging to a taco, it would have been terribly romantic.

But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned.

If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion

I'm too high, but I ain't left the ground.

This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!

Holy mother of Lord Cocoa Puffs

I exaggerated even before I began to exaggerate, because it's true — nothing is ever quite as bad as it could be.

They used to have a fish on the menu that was smoked, grilled and peppered They did everything to this fish but pistol-whip it and dress it in Bermuda shorts.

I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day!

And a wheat thin the size of Lake Tahoe.

No, Lord Maccon was riproaring, tumble down, without a doubt, pickled beyond the gherkin.

Pot had helped, and booze, maybe a little blow when you could afford it.

Oh you’re heist-drunk Kitty Kat. And you have been since the Henley.

I had a friend who was a heavy drinker. If somebody asked him if he'd been drunk the night before, he would always answer offhandedly, 'Oh, I imagine.' I've always liked that answer. It acknowledges life as a dream.

If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.

I'm a mischievous drunk.

I get high in the evening sniffing pots of glue.

Dusty Rhodes wouldn't win a body building contest for best abs, MacMahon, he'd win for MOST abs.

I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.

You know what, I'm stoned, and I'm proud.

Once they were librarians, but that is a subject they will only discuss if heavily intoxicated.