Elayne Boosler Quotes

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.

She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

Vickie is so fat that her baby pictures were taken via satellite.

I was a very fat baby.

At 26 or 27, I was fatter than anyone.

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.

It ought to be realized by all dog owners that obesity shortens a dog's life quite considerably, a life which is much too short anyhow.

Why did Mitt Romney strap his dog to the roof of his car? Could it be because his station wagon was full of wives?

Vicke is so fat that she wakes up in sections.

My doctor told me that I really should lose some weight. "You're mildly obese," he said. And I thought, "Well, who couldn't afford to lose 20 or 30 pounds?" He said, "Well, a person in your category." I said, "What is that category, doctor?" He said, "Well, you're what I call upwardly middle aged." And I said, "I forgive you for everything."

I want everything I do to have humor in it, because it seems to me that all of life has that.

I believe that I was a dog in a past life. That's the only thing that would explain why I like to snack on Purina Dog Chow.

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.

I've got more chins than a San Francisco phonebook.

Outside every fat man there was an even fatter man trying to close in.

So to me, fat just seems to be right to the point and the most descriptive way to say it.

There's just me and my wife and a dog and we feed him Healthy Choice also.

I weighed 25 stone, and I didn't stand nine feet tall, so the weight didn't sit well on me. As big as a house? No. I was as big as an estate.

Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.

Whatever its other limitations, the Big Apple and those who live there make room for their dogs and cats, take good care of them and abide by the rules made necessary by a huge population.

I am a great believer that what makes our show different is the humor.

I couldn't have got any fatter; I was running out of clothes.

I don't have a problem with being overweight. That's fine. But there's a thin line between being unhealthy and overweight.

When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!