Humoristic Quotes

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!

Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase." I slug down the last of the coffee and get up. The bag contains panty hose. I put them on her desk. "They're for you." "You want me to look homeless, desperate, but also kind of fabulous?

You know you're getting fat when you step on the dog's tail and he dies.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

The waiter brought fresh-baked bread and cheese, a bottle of sparkling water for Annabeth, and a Coke with ice for me (because I’m a barbarian).

I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.

Joking around is part of my personality, just who I am.

[Before each of numerous portrait sittings:] Now then, with teeth or without?

I would like to do something modern and possibly funny.

My ears are huge. If there's ever a problem with a plane I'm on, they could just put me on the wing and I'll land the sucker.

I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points.

I'm such a Cathy Chatters.

Had I not become a footballer, I think I would have been... a virgin.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

You definitely have to have a sense of humor. It's not always serious when it comes to basketball.

I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive.

I think you need humour and a sense of fun, which is what I try to bring to my books to leaven the danger and action. The ones that really transcend the genre always have a great laugh in them, such as 'Fright Night,' 'Lost Boys,' 'American Werewolf in London' - just to name a few.

I am a great believer that what makes our show different is the humor.

People don't realize that I'm really funny and I'm an excellent bridge player.

Life is just so much fun and so filled with humor.

I want everything I do to have humor in it, because it seems to me that all of life has that.

If you're ever wondering what to wear, just dress like a pumpkin, you're good to go.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

There is some humour in 'Family Values.' I don't want everyone to think it's not going to make them laugh. But there are quite a lot of poems there that aren't funny at all.