JANE WAGNER

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.

I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you.

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

The hardest part about being a kid is knowing you have got your whole life ahead of you.

A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.

The human mind is kind of like a piñata. When it breaks open, there's a lot of surprises inside. Once you get the piñata perspective, you see that losing your mind can be a peak experience.

My space chums think reality was once a primitive method of crowd control that got out of hand. In my view, it’s absurdity dressed up in a three-piece business suit.

My mom says I have to be more positive, and I say life has to be more positive too or it's just not going to work.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

Nothing makes you realize you don't know what you want more than getting what you want.

If evolution was worth its salt, by now it should've evolved something better than survival of the fittest. I think a better idea would be survival of the wittiest.

I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu!

Childhood comes at a time in your life when you are too young to understand what you are going through. And you're too young to understand that you are too young to understand.

I am sick of being the victim of trends I reflect but don't even understand.

What you try to bury just ends up burying you.

Of all the things we've learned, we still haven't learned where did this desire to want to know come from?

People don't need sex so much as they need to be listened to.

At the moment you are most in awe of all there is about life that you don't understand, you are closer to understanding it all than at any other time.

Infinity: Time on an ego trip.

I worry that our lives are like soap operas. We can go for months and not tune in to them, then six months later we look in and the same stuff is still going on.

To think, we have the garment industry instead of nature to thank for the zipper concept when it would have come in so handy for childbirth.

... it's hard to be politically conscious and upwardly mobile at the same time.