Henny Youngman Quotes

I shot that sucker right in the gumpy." Grandma Mazur

I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.

I don't get to shoot anybody. That kind of sucks.

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

Violence is not funny.

I do know how to fire a machine gun, so be warned! I'm trained!

Barking dogs occasionally bite, but laughing men hardly ever shoot.

Obviously, there's a part of me that takes the world of violence and death very seriously. However, when it comes to protection, or when it comes to just the skill of shooting... I've gone to the range with sniper rifles and things like that.

I was shot from the funny gun.

If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father.

I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun.

I've dealt with a lot of guns over my career, so I'm getting better and better with firearms.

One must always shoot; always shoot, general.

I learned how to shoot when I was pretty little.

I'm a shooter and shooters shoot.

Let's face it, when is it actually ever funny to joke about hitting someone? Never, right? The threat to give someone a slap, no matter how you look at it, is aggressive.

Shooters shoot.

Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco.

Ranger sent us to check on you," Hal said. "We just got here, and we heard shots." "Some moron ate my jelly doughnut," Lula said. "So I shot him.

Well, you know what they say. A bullet always tells the truth.

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.

Mark: When did you learn to drive? Courtney: About three seconds ago.

A squirrel is the same as a can, when there's a bb gun in my hand. Can't you see that I am just a man? With distinctions... and comparisons.