Emo Philips Quotes

My whole career has been an Ann Coulter roast.

I'd like to have a drink with Bill Maher and see how he feels. We were too conservative coming over to Fox from fX, and got ourselves off our best game.

On 'The Simpsons,' I will say that we definitely like to comment on what's going on in the world, and we try to be funny. If we can figure out a way of being funny about it, then we've gone part of the way of accomplishing our task.

I think back to some of the things Harry said and some of the things I said trying to be funny. If I said them now, it would be on the front page of every newspaper in the country.

It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh.

No one will ever accuse James Carville of taking himself seriously.

I've been invited to appear on Letterman, but they wanted me to talk about a funny videotape of Congress. 'Bring us your outtakes!' That's not our job.

That's the really neat thing about Dan Quayle, as you must have realized from the first moment you looked into those lovely blue eyes: impeachment insurance.

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.

I don't consider myself a political comedian because it's so hard. It takes time away from me saying terrible things about TV.

Well, Mitt Romney is a very attractive comedic target. He's irresistible to me. I mean, seriously, I want to pay less attention to him.

I feel like I'd be good at 'Password.' Or 'Pyramid.'

Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, Stephen Colbert. Those are the guys I look at who are telling me pretty much the truth. And they throw humor into it which makes it much more interesting to listen to.

I'm a great admirer of 'The Simpsons.' It's very surprising because it's backed by a right-wing television company in the U.S., and quite often it's poking fun at the people who would be its audience.

My mother is very good in Scrabble. In Boggle, my father is probably better.

When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking, "Do you want fries with that?

I don't know why the Vice President thinks Mario Cuomo and I are members of the cultural elite. Maybe its because we both know how to spell potato.

We all joke about Bush. You go to a meeting and just say “Bush” and everyone will laugh.

I devised the Bert Lance Toe Test then - you go out on the front porch of the house, turn 'The Washington Post' over with your big toe, and if your name's above the fold, you know you're not going to have a good day.

I always thought Jon Stewart was an extremely good surgeon with his scalpel. He would have Republicans on who, I guess, were unclear about what Stewart was up to, and while Jon Stewart was being nice, he was building a case for drowning them.

Obama isn't funny.

I've been making fun of Donald Trump - we all have - for 10 years, and just bringing up his name... I mean, even if you're supportive of Donald Trump, there's still a lot to make fun of.

I know who Dick Gregory is; I knew what his accomplishments are. I certainly knew him as a comedian and an activist.

The topic of Sarah Palin has been open season to the media, entertainment industry, and club comics alike.