South African schoolchildren set a world record this week by creating the world's longest clothesline. Hey, what do South Africans wash their clothes with? Apar-Tide!
There are three things that smell of fish. One of them is fish. The other two are growing on you!
Always say 'no pun intended' to draw attention to the intended pun.
I'm gonna take this world by storm. Pun unintended.
There are people who study germs. I believe they are called Germans
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve!
I'd like to start with the chimney jokes - I've got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.
My puns are not trivial. They are quadrivial
I have mood poisoning. Must be something I hate.
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip
"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"
I'd like to play a horse, many people think I already have. Either end of the horse would be fine.
What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNG!
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
I have a beard. Just not on my face.
Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.
I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.
A pun, though despicable in itself, can be the noblest vehicle of an artistic intention by serving as the abbreviation of a wittyview. It can be a social criticism in the form of an epigram.
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
