Adam Carolla Quotes

I still like farts. I still think farts are some of the funniest things.

The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: stink. Stank. Stunk.

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

You could smell my ass from mars.

The older you get, the funnier fart jokes are.

Flatulence peaks twice a day... five hours after lunch and five hours after dinner.

Girls don't poop, so don't claim you do. You can fart - because farting is funny - but we don't want to know that you poop.

Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend.

Nothing makes me laugh more than farting.

I always thought that farts were funny, and I always thought that they were mine to talk about because they came out of my body.

I don't like going into a clean gym. A gym is supposed to stink.

The store had a hand-painted sign the read: MOOSE PASS GAS. "That's just wrong," Frank said.

If you cut a thing up, of course it will smell. Hence, nothing raises such an infernal stink at last, as human psychology.

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

The sign read MOUSE PASS GAS Frank: "That's wrong

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon.

Summing it Up..."Where's a good place for dinner?" I asked. "There's the Brasserie Lipp on the Avenue St. Germaine," she said, "or La Coupole in Montmartre." "Not La Coupole," I said. "I've been there before. That's the place that's crowded and noisy and smells bad and everybody's rude as hell, isn't it?" "I think you just described France," she said.

How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It keeps turning off the gas."

If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.

If you get a little gassy, you've got to let it go. So people used to say to me, 'You're like a whoopee cushion.'

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.

Before we got engaged, he never farted. Now it's a second language.