Phyllis Diller Quotes

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

I love to cook and really enjoy cleaning my house. People always tease me about getting a maid. My girlfriend tells me that they are only $40 and will do everything. But that is my time to unwind, put my hair in a ponytail, throw on sweats, and be myself.

I love washing, hoovering, ironing, you name it. I find it very therapeutic.

Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I'm in a non-writing-joke mode, and I just can't seem to come up with anything new that's funny. That's a tough place to be as a comedian.

It was an hour and a half plane ride, so I slept. I try to sleep because that's probably the only time I get to get my real sleep. When I can't sleep I read books or watch movies.

My husband is always telling me I need to do less, do less, do less. But I feel like if I'm not being productive, I have a hard time relaxing and enjoying myself.

Sometimes I just wish I had a day off. I really need to clean my room.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.

I enjoy spending time with my family. And when my family's not around, when I'm on the road, a lot of sleep. I get my rest. I understand how important my job is and how important rest is to that job. I'm pretty boring.

I still find it almost impossible to relax for more than one day at a time.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I've always enjoyed doing dishes. Maybe it was the fashionable yellow gloves that I loved so much. It's weird, I know, but I find cleaning cathartic.

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

My idea of working out is drinking whiskey - instead of beer.

It's very challenging to get the right balance between relaxing and working.

I love dry British humor. I love to sketch in my off time. I love tequila.

I would like a comedy. A comedy would be nice.

I will happily sit at home and take care of the house.

I don't do dishes, and I don't cook, either! Everything else, I can do!

Those who know me, after a few beers, I love music and I love to dance, but that doesn't mean I'll be any good!

It's tough to find time to get rest.