Phyllis Diller Quotes

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

If you don't get killed, it's a lucky day for anybody.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't know it 'till he hit the ground. Oh, he flew off that tower, hollering at his buddies. "Whoo, check me out, dudes! Oh, that ground is coming up..." WHAM! And what do you say, if you're the operator of that ride, to the next guy in line? "All right dude, you're up."

There are only two kinds of men; the dead and the deadly.

Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.

Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don't let yourself believe it will happen to you.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

There is risk everywhere. Being alive carries the risk of death.

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

The leaks can kill you.

Fighting, for me, is like skydiving without the parachute.

I don't want to die in a race car.

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.

Everyone I know who skis is dead.

Not only do the brave get killed, but the brave have a better chance of it.

A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.

He can be lethal death.

Magic. It can get a guy killed.

If a man is alive, there is always danger that he may die, though the danger must be allowed to be less in proportion as he is dead-and-alive to begin with. A man sits as many risks as he runs.

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable.

Don't go to sleep, so many people die there.

This is the most exciting place in the world to live. Oh yeah! There are so many ways to die in New York City! Race riots, drive by shootings, subway crashes, construction cranes collapsing on the sidewalks, manhole covers blowing up and asbestos shooting into the sky.

If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final.

Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun