Bo Burnham Quotes

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

He can be lethal death.

The thing that's funny is that everyone thinks I'm dead.

Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen.

Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

You live by the gun and knife, and die by the gun and knife.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Include me out.

When a lion doesn't get its prey, it remains hungry. When the prey saves himself, he has not won, but has saved his life.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side.

The lion shall lie down with the lamb, but the lamb won’t get much sleep.

I have to send people out to get killed.

They are spinning and people are dying.

In war, everything changes. You are very selective of what you do because everything you do can be the last thing you do in your life.

Kat laughed. 'Who wants to live forever?' Kish put his hand up. 'For the record, I do.' Sin scowled at him. 'Then why do you irritate me so often?' Suicidal tendencies are inherent in my species?

Great," Shane said. "Look i'd rather not be on janitorial duty. I have allergies to cleaners." "And to cleaning," Michael said. "Look who's talking, Didn't the do one of those Animal Planet documentaries about the roaches in your room?

So the lion is the law-breaker. Just as to the primitive man the lion is the lawbreaker, the great nuisance, dangerous to human beings and to animals, that breaks into the Kraal at night and fetches the bull out of the herd: he is the destructive instinct.

I'm actually way more funny now, because I'm hungry... If comedy comes from pain, I should be funnier now than I ever was.

All humor is based on hostility - that's why World War Two was funny.

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.

Where there are sheep, the wolves are never very far away.