Will Ferrell Quotes

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

There is a certain type of conversation one hears only when one is drunk and it is like a dream, full of humor and threat and significance, deep significance.

I was so drunk the whole time that I took bottles for girls and girls for bottles.

I was a little drunk. Not drunk in any positive sense but just enough to be careless.

This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

On one occasion I saw a banner where my name read 'Sarvasri Bharat Balachandra Menon.' I was amused and decided to find out the reason for this coinage. One of the organizers confessed rather sheepishly that they were sure about me getting the Bharat award but were doubtful if I was a Padma Shri awardee.

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.

It's always difficult to make conversation with a drunk, and there's no denying it, the sober are at a disadvantage with him.

If drunk were cookies, I'd be Famous Amos

It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?

There are many times where even I, at certain points in the evening, after a few drinks, can't pronounce my own surname.

Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water."

Too much Chablis can make you whablis.

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

Uh, my lord, I am not actually food. You do realize this, yes?

I observe a lot of you drunk people. What I do is I just let myself go there and fully commit to that drunk thing, not that I've ever done that myself. I've had a lot of practice. Let's be honest.

I was somewhat drunk with what I had done. And I am always one to prefer being sober.

Sometimes when you get hammered till the small hours you feel pretty good in the morning, but really it's just because you're still a bit drunk. That old hangover is just toying with you, working out when to bite.

I'm pretty drunk and bored with yelling at the stone walls that are your minds.

Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.

They who have drunk beer, fall on their back, but there is a peculiarity in the effects of the drink made from barley, for they that get drunk on other intoxicating liquors fall on all parts of their body, they fall on the left side, on the right side, on their faces, and and on their backs. But it is only those who get drunk on beer that fall on their backs with their faces upward.

We call it drunk philosophy. You have a few beers and you become a lot smarter.