Larry McMurtry Quotes

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a brand of beer exactly to his taste, he should at once throw up his job and go to work inthe brewery.

I've been married for 10 years and, you know, it's hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

It's axiomatic that all husbands are impossible. But I also think it's axiomatic that women are slightly impossible.

Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same.

I think I've scratched the surface after twenty years of marriage. Women want chocolate and conversation.

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

To have twenty lovers in one year is easy. To have one lover for twenty years is difficult.

It is as hard to get a man to stay at home after you've married him as it was to get him to go home before you married him.

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.

My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.

I tell my children, shut up and let me speak. What I've learned, I have been married for 45 years and in my own family It is that I've learned to stop being judgmental, to listen.

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.

I asked my Dad once, "How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?" He said. "Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.

Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.

The secret to a good marriage, as far as I am concerned, is a joke I make: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.

It's easy to get married, but hard to stay that way.

Nietzsche had a little one-liner on how to choose a wife. He said, ''Are you willing to have a conversation with this woman for the next forty years?'' That's how to pick a wife.

When I look at my parents I'm like, 'This is easy. Staying together for 35 years? How hard is that?' They're like, 'Very hard.

There is much to be said for exotic marriages. If your husband is a bore, it takes years longer to discover.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.