Adam Ferrara Quotes

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

All couples have been told to schedule regular one-on-one time. 'Date night' is the default answer to most problems in modern marriages. And research backs this up.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

My wife said to me... you never understood what we were going through back home, did you? And I didn't. And I have to confess that.

We were an ill-matched pair, my husband and I, from the very outset; he, with very high ideas of a husband's authority and a wife's submission, holding strongly to the 'master-in-my-own-house theory,' thinking much of the details of home arrangements, precise, methodical, easily angered and with difficulty appeased.

I know it starts at home, but all families are not staying together.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

There are no cartoons about happy marriages.

The only time a wife listens to her husband is when he's asleep.

There's not a lot of towns that I can go to and take family - too many incongruous knocks on doors - "Hello, honey. Have you missed me?"

I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.

It is as hard to get a man to stay at home after you've married him as it was to get him to go home before you married him.

My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

Is there anyone to whom you entrust a greater number of serious matters than your wife? And is there anyone with whom you have fewer conversations?

Winning an argument with your wife is like winning the war with Iraq. Once you win, you're in even more trouble.

It's easy to get married, but hard to stay that way.

Ah, gentle dames! it gars me greet To think how monie counsels sweet, How monie lengthened sage advices, The husband frae the wife despises.

Why all of these broken homes? What happens to marriages that begin with sincere love and a desire to be loyal and faithful and true one to another? There is no simple answer. I acknowledge that. But it appears to me that there are some obvious reasons that account for a very high percentage of these problems. I say this out of experience in dealing with such tragedies. I find selfishness to be the root cause of most of it.

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

Husbands are never happy. My husband asked me for more space, so I locked him out of the house.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

When a man's dog turns against him, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.

People say children from broken homes have it hard, but the children of charmed marriages have their own particular challenges.

Anyone who marries three girls from St Louis hasn't learned much.