Spousal Humor Quotes

Journalist: 'Have you received any death threats?' Harry Redknapp: 'Only from the wife when I didn't do the washing up!'.

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite!

My husband calls me 'catfish.' He says I'm all mouth and no brains.

Yesterday in Florida, President Obama kissed a woman on the cheek after she told him he looks good. Which explains why last night, Michelle made him sleep on Air Mattress One.

Don't question your wife's judgment; look who she married.

He was doubtless an understanding Fellow that said, there was no happy Marriage but betwixt a blind Wife and a deaf Husband.

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

We Batchelors laugh and shew our teeth, but you married men laugh till your hearts ake.

My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.

I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'

My wife Steph never tells me to take on less work - she's just glad to have me out of the house!

There is nothing better than humor to keep a marriage going.

Take my wife... Please!

What a generous thing that is, I realize, for a husband to try to make his wife laugh.

Probably the most important single element that I found in my own marriage was a sense of humor. My wife had a delicious sense of humor, and I think I have an adequate one.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.