S. J. Perelman Quotes

I'm English. Our dentistry is not world famous.

Most every dental school has discount dental services.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

I've never in my life had a cavity. Not one!

Because I've got veneers, I am always checking to make sure I haven't got food in my teeth.

I don't mess around when it comes to brushing my teeth. Properly brushed, twice a day, every day, to get my day started.

As a rule of thumb, I would submit that if you need to call your floss provider, for any reason, you are probably not ready for this level of oral hygiene.

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.

Ben rubbed his muzzle over Kyle’s shoulder in a way that I think was supposed to be reassuring. Kyle sucked in a breath. Either it hurt, or the reminder that the werewolf was big enough to rub his shoulder without much effort wasn’t exactly reassuring. “Ben, when was the last time you brushed your teeth?” asked Kyle. Or else Ben’s breath was really bad.

During a recent event at a restaurant called Tommy's Country Ham House in South Carolina, presidential candidate Ben Carson delivered a speech right after he lost his front tooth. Which still left him with more teeth than everyone combined at Tommy's Country Ham House.

You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

When you have a cavity in your tooth and you let it get worse, eventually you have to get a root canal. If you have something that isn't right, the earlier you treat it the easier the treatment is going to be. That's kind of common sense.

My dentist said to me the other day: I've enough problems in my life, so why should I see your films?

No wonder he has such nice teeth. They probably pay him in dental floss.

You're a wicked man." "Thank you. It's taken years of diligent practice.

Well, when I was six years old I decided, not that I was going to be, but with my usual modesty, that I was a writer.

I enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue to hide her teeth when she's laughing. I just stand there and tell her joke after joke after joke.

Two thousand years ago, the Holy family had a ramble from Nazareth to Bethlehem - in much the same way as I'm having a ramble from Norwich to Swaffham. Although I'm not comparing myself to Jesus - I don't want to get bogged down in that whole controversy again.

Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it.

My dear Algy, you talk exactly as if you were a dentist. It is very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist. It produces false impression

I masturbate. A lot. And yet, I don't floss because it's too much of a hassle. Ten seconds of joy over a lifetime of tooth decay, that's what I've chosen.

I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that stuff's under control. I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in anything. That's actually kind of gross. After that joke, I have to clarify that I'm just joking.

I don't think people know what hygienist means.