Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Advertisers also know that humor can help bond us to their product.

Expensive advertising courts us with hints and images. The ordinary kind merely says, Buy.

I want to make it clear to people that the idea of putting subliminable messages into ads is ridiculous.

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

In a nation that has developed to a high art advertising, the creator who refuses to advertise himself is immediately suspected of having no product worth selling.

I don't want to have my face on the cover of a Wheaties box. I wanna have my face on the cover of a Rice Krispies box. "Snap, Krackle, Mitch and Pop"!

The people who flood our living-rooms with a smorgasbord of commercial messages about fetid breath, moist underarms and troubled intestines know this: an appropriate time, place and manner to sell a product is any that sells the product.

Great marketing is all about telling your story in such a way that it compels people to buy what you are selling.

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

Marketers know that if people you respect - perhaps laughably including entertainers and athletes - say they like a product, you're more likely to buy.

The point of advertising is to destroy markets.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

Whatever claim you use to gain attention, the advertisement should tell a story reasonably complete.

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

The only way I could get my old CD into stores is if I took one in and leave it. "Sir, you forgot this." "No, I did not. That is for sale. Please alphabetize it."

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Here's how Apple does marketing in a nutshell: Make a great product, then let people know about it. That's it. Neither aspect of that is easy, but the important thing is it has to happen in that order. It all starts with a great product.

You know when you see an advertisement for a casino, and they have a picture of a guy winning money? That's false advertising, because that happens the least. That's like if you're advertising a hamburger, they could show a guy choking. "This is what happened once."

Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

You can create a business, choose a name, but unless people know about it you're not going to sell any products.

Good marketing offers us a view of the world. Bad marketing offers us a product to buy.

The tricks and artifices of advertising are available to the seller of the better product no less than to the seller of the poorer product. But only the former enjoys the advantage derived from the better quality of his product.

It's like, are you kidding me? I'd sell way more if I just put a picture of my face. That's the fact. I'd sell more copies of me just looking cute. That's what sells more. That's what sells at Wal-Mart. Not someone in a bathtub looking like they're about to kill someone. Topless.

Advertising companies hire the very brightest, wittiest young people to write for them. Not one single sentence of it is worth repeating. Why? Because it wasn't meant.