Groucho Marx Quotes

It's just a goatee. That sounds kind of weird. A soul patch? I don't know how 'soul' it is.

I can be sarcastic.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

At this point, we've ripped on everyone.

I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke.

I don't mean to be funny.

Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it.

A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you.

Personally, I just tease people a lot.

If we became buddies, obviously I'd start throwing some cracks at Him.

I don't know how to troll people, but there are many out there talking with that intent. I just write something funny that would make people laugh.

Oh, I've never been asked a silly question in my entire life.

I love winding up Geoffrey Boycott.

I know I make a lot of jokes about Mike Jones, but I don't even have no hatred for him.

I knew how to come up with jokes at someone's expense really fast.

You often take the mick out of the people you like best.

I've always said, I like my coffee like I like my men... I don't drink coffee.

Gazzy called over to me "I can't see anything!" "I can't see anything either," Iggy complained. "I'm rolling my eyes, Ig." I had to tell him that because he couldn't see me do it, what with his blindness and all.

Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.

Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you?

We lost the crickets," she said. "Even you can't make that sound tough." ..."I am Butler," he said with a straight-face. "Everything I say sounds tough. Now, get out of the lake, fairy.

Oh, he is cute!” Shane said in a fake girly voice. “Gee, maybe we can ask him out!” “Shut up, you weasel. Claire, hit him!

So you're not a prince. She's pretty astute,don't you think? Owww! I'm sorry-- I'll shut up now, Princess!

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'