Emo Philips Quotes

A common man, even like myself, I don't know how to pay my taxes.

I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.

I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.

I got IRS records to finance what I wanted to do.

Huguette Clark has had her own tax liens - four times, the IRS has filed to collect taxes from her.

There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist—the taxidermist leaves the hide.

Warren Buffett's company reportedly owes the IRS a billion dollars in back taxes. When he said he wasn't paying enough taxes, he wasn't kidding.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart.

April is tax month. If you are having trouble filing your taxes, then you should hire an accountant. They'll give you the same advice that they've given hundreds of corporations - taxes are for douche bags.

The Internal Revenue Service is the real undefeated heavyweight champion.

I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

The truth is, no one pays more tax than they have to.

There's just one thing I can't figure out. My income tax!

I can't make a damn thing out of this tax problem. I listen to one side and they seem right—and then I talk to the other side and they seem just as right, and here I am where I started. God, what a job!

Tax Day is often a source of frustration for taxpayers, so anything that can make the process less painful is appreciated.

I have not purposely gone out to try to avoid paying income tax.

If I have to do my tax online, the government should pay for my Internet hook-up, darling.

I want to specify that I pay my own taxes in France, for all my income.

I think the terror most people are concerned with is the IRS.

If you make one word out of 'The IRS' it spells 'theirs.'

For every day the government is shut down, it should be that we don't have to pay income tax that day because they're not working.

I don't like paying 50 per cent of tax.

I am obligated and I will pay hundreds of millions of dollars in taxes to the American government. I already paid and I will keep paying whatever taxes I owe based on my time as a U.S. citizen.