Tax Preparation Quotes

The income tax has spawned an intrusive bureaucracy, creating so much complexity and red tape that millions of ordinary citizens have to go get some accountant to fill out the forms for them - and then sign under penalty of perjury that it was done right. If you knew how to do it right, you wouldn't have to go to somebody else to have it done, would you?

I look like an accountant. And no offense to accountants! There's some really cool accountants out there.

A common man, even like myself, I don't know how to pay my taxes.

I don't know what to do or where to turn in this taxation matter. Somewhere there must be a book that tells all about it, where I could go to straighten it out in my mind. But I don't know where the book is, and maybe I couldn't read it if I found it.

I'll bring my tax returns; you bring yours. I'll meet you anytime anywhere.

I'm not the only taxpayer who has no idea what he's sending to the IRS. This year, only 28 percent of all Americans will prepare their own tax returns, according to a voice in my head that invents accurate-sounding statistics.

When you get successful, the money comes in and pretty soon you've got to hire an accountant, you've got to get up early, and then you've got a day job.

He knows the tax code as thoroughly as the pope knows the Lord's Prayer.

Someone remind me why I didn’t want to be an accountant when I grew up,” Brock drawled. Niko chuckled. “Because accountants don’t get to make things go boom.

If you aren't talking to your kids about socialism, someone else is. So use car time, dinner time, tax preparation time, and time spent together at your work or small business to teach your child about the virtues of capitalism, the system of government that has lifted more people out of poverty.

I've worked as grocery store cashier; I've worked at a bank call center and as a Lady Liberty for Liberty Tax Service dancing around with the sign for a while.

I have some classes in accounting, but I don't know anything about accounting. I - you know, when my accountant tells me all the things he does, it's a foreign language to me.

I have an accountant, obviously, because I'm self employed, and I use an independent financial adviser. I trust my accountant because we have worked together for a long time now.

It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta

I'm nicer on tax day than I am when I'm on deadline.

Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that's just the folks here in the audience.

I can't make a damn thing out of this tax problem. I listen to one side and they seem right—and then I talk to the other side and they seem just as right, and here I am where I started. God, what a job!

Reports also suggest that Ernst and Young and other large tax preparation firms are sending tax returns overseas for processing. But the IRS has no control over tax information once it's been sent to India or another country.

Why can't Americans do their own taxes? Because the federal Tax Code is out of control, that's why. It's gigantic and insanely complex, and it gets worse all the time. Nobody has ever read the whole thing. IRS workers are afraid to go into the same ROOM with it.

Financial analysts make a lot more than accountants.

It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.

April is tax month. If you are having trouble filing your taxes, then you should hire an accountant. They'll give you the same advice that they've given hundreds of corporations - taxes are for douche bags.

There are three people you need in life: an accountant, a fishmonger, and a bail bondsman.

Most people don't realize the amount of tax forms the small business guy has to go through.

I'm organized, but receipts tend to mess up my system. They're barbarians! So I store them in a notepad.