Dorothy Parker Quotes

If I fall and break my neck, will you say something nice at my funeral?" "Like 'Kyler was usually more graceful?

A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.

When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow.

But the funny thing is, I broke my finger not on set doing kung fu. I broke my finger when I fell down the stairs prior to going on set.

I'm afraid they've left their legs at home.

There's a rumor going around that I'm Miss Goody-two-shoes from Australia. Well, that's a laugh. I'm really Miss Goody-two-shoes from England!

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'

I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating.

I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.

I broke my leg is all I did. I didn't break my brain.

I screwed my knee up once because I fell off the stage.

So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.

I've smashed myself around, been on crutches, and broken a couple of bones when I was a kid.

I would love to make a sarcastic film; I am so sarcastic that even my kids are now getting used to my sarcasm. You see it a lot in British comedy because that's their sense of humour.

If you fall down those stairs and break both of your legs, don't come running to me!

I’m so sorry! Are you okay? (Shahara) Other than the fact that I feel like my rib just punctured a lung, sure, I’m all right. (Syn)

President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike.

Did you know, you're sort of beautiful?' 'You hit your head pretty hard, didn't you?

What happened to your face?" Harriet asked. "It was a misunderstanding," Daniel said smoothly, wondering how long it might take for his bruises to heal. He did not think he was particularly vain, but the questions were growing tiresome. "A misunderstanding?" Elizabeth echoed. "With an anvil?" "Oh, stop," Harriet admonished her. "I think he looks very dashing." "As if he dashed into an anvil." "Pay no attention," Harriet said to him. "She lacks imagination.

But Lord! To see the absurd nature of Englishmen that cannot forbear laughing and jeering at everything that looks strange.

Nobody has ever had to go off following one of my tackles and nobody has broken their leg.

There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.

Who knew hitting my head and passing out would be so much fun?