Rick Riordan Quotes

I haven't found anything to complain about. But being Scottish, it won't be long.

I joke around all the time, 'I'm Asian; I'm really good at math.'

There's a rumor going around that I'm Miss Goody-two-shoes from Australia. Well, that's a laugh. I'm really Miss Goody-two-shoes from England!

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.

I may be a dumb blonde, but I'm not that blonde.

For lack of a better term, they've labeled me a sex symbol. It's flattering and it should happen to every bald, overweight guy.

I'm accused of, and perhaps rightly so, of not being mean enough. I've been taken to task in many a book review; a good satirist has to, you know, has to kill.

So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.

No disrespect to Sweden: I didn't think of them as the comedy universe.

Playing the greatest warrior in the seven kingdoms, that's absolutely no pressure.

The French aren't known for being hilarious. When I told Parisians I was interested in French humor, they'd say 'French what?'

I'm not mean. I can't do a roast.

Not very good, I am afraid. But now really, do not you think Udolpho the nicest book in the world?" "The nicest—by which I suppose you mean the neatest. That must depend upon the binding.

Trace Adkins is such a great guy. Really is. And he's got that incredible voice - low, deep. He throws words around like "my dental coverage."

I swear you’re a woman. (Devyn) I would respond to that, but I don’t want to distract you while you’re attempting to drive and I’m dependent on you for my life. (Sway)

Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say, "I'm not racist, but you look great today." They say, "That wasn't racist at all." I said, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."

Are all American girls as daft as you, Rachel?" "I hope so," I said.

[On an actor who'd broken her leg in London:] Oh, how terrible. She must have done it sliding down a barrister.

Whoever said blondes have more fun hasn't met me.

I would like to break out of this "dark, brooding" image, cause I'm actually not like that at all. In Ireland, brooding is a term we use for hens. A brooding hen is supposed to lay eggs. Everytime somebody says "He's dark and brooding" I think: "He's about to lay an egg".

He just waited until I stopped talking and said, 'Jesus, kid, you're almost a detective. All you need now is a gun, a gut, and three ex-wives. So what's your theory?

I am a comedian and you guys know whatever I say, I don't mean any of it.

Your mom is a rainbow goddess?" "You got a problem with that?" "No, no. Rainbows. Very macho.

Dory is what Mum used to call a "strong-looking woman," which means that, from the back, she looked like a man, and, from the front, you preferred the back

Bertie," he said, "I want your advice." "Carry on." "At least, not your advice, because that wouldn't be much good to anybody. I mean, you're a pretty consummate old [prat], aren't you? Not that I want to hurt your feelings, of course." "No, no, I see that." "What I wish you to do is put the whole thing to that fellow Jeeves of yours, and see what he suggests.