Henny Youngman Quotes

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up.

I kicked college nostalgia in my late 20s. As much as I loved college and treasure the memories, I no longer want to go back.

I'm the youngest in my family, and everyone is very funny, and I was always trying to keep up with them. I just loved making people laugh.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger. But I haven't abandoned the genre: I love falling down; I love Lucille Ball. It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age.

I remember for my 18th birthday, I was going to get a tattoo, and I made the mistake of thinking I was a man and telling my father, and he was like, 'Oh yeah? You better tattoo a new address on your arm, because you're not living here!' And that was the end of that discussion.

It's such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you're not really looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

You see much more of your children once they leave home.

When you take things too seriously, you get old. You have to be silly. Whenever people say, 'Hey, man, are you ever going to grow up?' That's when you know you're doing things right.

I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children.

My daughter, Anna, is almost 15, and my son, Ben, is almost 10.

The first thing that I learned - and I understood it at a really young age - was that I could get a laugh. Really early. Because my mother and father are funny.

At the time I wrote 'Forever,' I had a 14-year-old daughter, and she was reading a lot of books about young love.

You must remember that anyone under 30 - especially a ballplayer - is an adolescent. I never got close to being an adult until I was 32. Even though I was married and had a son at 20, I was a kid at 32, living at home with my parents. Sure, I was a manager then. That doesn't mean you're grown up.

Having nine brothers and sisters, you have to stand out. In order to get on the stage with me and Shawn and Marlon and Keenan and Kim, you have to be funny. We're not going to let you in the conversation.

As you grow older, life seems funnier.

Some of these little girls are afraid to admit they are getting older. I am not afraid. You can't put your finger in the sun and stop time.

I don't do well with my children leaving the nest.

Age is an accumulation of life and loss. Adulthood is a series of lines crossed.

The only reason for being young is to outgrow it.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I still take the pill; I don't want any more grandchildren.

I am a child who is getting on.