George Lopez Quotes

My mom gives me an allowance. She keeps me pretty tight-reined.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes.

I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.

My mom is in charge of my earnings.

Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.

No matter who you are, if you have a $30 operating loss, you can carry it forward to the next year. And poor people do take advantage of that, also.

I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

My parents were the traditional Filipino parents who didn't talk about money around the dinner table.

I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Getting a tax refund is nice, but having more money year-round is better. If you get a chunk of change from the IRS, you're giving the government an interest-free loan - not something they, or any bank, would ever give you. Instead, change your withholding so you get a little extra in each paycheck.

After I got this job at the syndicate, I started sending them money so they could go on trips and do the things they could never afford to do. All the while, I never knew that my mother was socking money away.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Well, isn't every successful person in every family the bankbook?

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

Unmarried couples should get married - that's an excellent tax avoidance measure, if a bit drastic.

I want to be financially secure by the time I have kids.

My mum's financial plan is: Romesh becomes a millionaire.

All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, because, in the words of U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren Burger in a landmark 1979 tax decision: Where else are you going to read the paper? Outside? What if it rains?

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, “You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you.

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

I pay tax, and I pay federal tax, too. But I have a write-off, a lot of it's depreciation, which is a wonderful charge. I love depreciation.