Lewis Black Quotes

Your husband drinks too much if he says he never drinks alone, but considers the goldfish somebody.

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

My doctor tells me I should start slowing it down - but there are more old drunks than there are old doctors so let's all have another round.

Drinking habits were very prevalent among men, and were not in any way disgraceful, unless excessive.

But if I wasn't playing, I would drink Saturdays, then Sunday, then Monday. Then I would try and train and it was no good, then have another drink just to pass the day away.

When I was 20, I was drinking. When I was 30, I was drinking more, and at 40, way too much.

Whiskey will always be a part of my life.

Everybody gets too drunk sometimes; and even if everybody didn't, I have gotten too drunk sometimes. I haven't hurt anybody. In Ireland we drink a lot. It's part of our culture. I like drinking. I don't think it's a bad thing.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

Liquor drinking is not a wrong; but excessive drinking is.

We knew the old liar drank a lot, but now we know just how much: 'He begins the morning with a sherry, then has a bottle of Burgundy with lunch. He often has a glass of port after lunch, but always one after dinner. There is whiskey in the afternoon and Champagne with dinner. Then some more port, and a glass of Cognac. As the night goes on, a whiskey and soda...'

Evidence...proves that prohibition only drives drunkenness behind doors and into dark places, and does not cure it or even diminish it.

I'm on a whisky diet... last week, I lost three days!

I always drank, from when it was legal for me to drink. And there was never a time for me when the goal wasn't to get as hammered as I could possibly afford to. I never understood social drinking, that's always seemed to me like kissing your sister.

Women, you overheated dipsomaniacs, never passing up a chance to wangle a drink, a great boon to bartenders but a bane to us--not to mention our crockery and our woolens!

A person can attack that bottle of vodka and drink it like it's a bottle of cold water. Two of my wife's girlfriends died from drinking. They weren't big pill-takers; they were drinkers. So it can't be so simple as to slide away, like Marilyn Monroe.

You're a beautiful drunk, daughter. But you're a drunk.

You know a little drink now and then never hurt nobody, but when you can't git started without asking the bottle, you in trouble.

I don't know how I made those movies. I went out every single night, I smoked pot every single day. I drank. We did everything, but I never became a drug addict or an alcoholic. Other friends are dead, many of them. So many people in this retrospective...in Female Trouble, almost everyone is dead.

And no one drank just one shot of tequila.

Alcoholism is the disease of more.

I think that I'm coming off as the biggest alcoholic in the world.

[Dean Martin] is an absolute, unqualified drunk. And if we ever develop an Olympic drinking team, he's gonna be the coach... Dean Martin has been stoned more often than the United States embassies.

I had been brought up and trained to have the utmost contempt for people who got drunk - and I would have liked to have the boozing scholars of the Universities wheeled into line and properly chastised for their squalid misuse of what I must ever regard as a gift of the gods.