W. Somerset Maugham Quotes

If drunk were cookies, I'd be Famous Amos

I was a little drunk. Not drunk in any positive sense but just enough to be careless.

No, Lord Maccon was riproaring, tumble down, without a doubt, pickled beyond the gherkin.

Some of you fellers are getting 'Whiskey Slick.'

I was somewhat drunk with what I had done. And I am always one to prefer being sober.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Intoxicated? The word did not express it by a mile. He was oiled, boiled, fried, plastered, whiffled, sozzled, and blotto.

Talking to a drunk person was like talking to an extremely happy, severely brain-damaged three-year-old.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

You don't quite know how drunk you are until all of a sudden you're on the floor.

Sometimes when you're drunk you can see better.

I simply don't know how to act as if I am drunk.

I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking

To describe drunkenness for the colorful vocabulary is rather cynical. There is nothing easier than to capitalize on drunkards.

It would be pleasant to be drunk.

Having been familiar with "drunk" once or twice myself, that lick just came to me - and yeah, it sounded very drunk, so I presented it to Alice [Cooper]. It felt like he wrote the lyrics in about a minute.

Promise me one thing: don't take me home until I'm drunk - very drunk indeed.

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water."

Sometimes when you get hammered till the small hours you feel pretty good in the morning, but really it's just because you're still a bit drunk. That old hangover is just toying with you, working out when to bite.

He raised his brows. "You're drunk." "Am not!" He gave me a bland look. "A drunk's famous last words before they fall flat on their face.

Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.

While I can't walk on water, I can certainly wobble on whisky.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.