DEAN MARTIN

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello', 'goodbye', and 'I'm pregnant'.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

With his blessings from above, serve it generously with love. One man, one wife, one love, through life.

When Jerry Lewis and I were big, we used to go to parties, and everybody thought I was big-headed and stuck up, and I wasn't. It was because I didn't know how to speak good English, so I used to keep my mouth shut.

The whole world is drunk and we're just the cocktail of the moment. Someday soon, the world will wake up, down two aspirin with a glass of tomato juice, and wonder what the hell all the fuss was about.

Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime.

I take the juice of two bottles of whisky.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show business. Hard work, perseverance, and discipline: all the things you need...when you have no talent.

I don't drink anymore... I freeze it and eat it like a popsicle.

Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.

If people want to think I get drunk and stay out all night, let'em. That's how I got here, you know.

When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore.

If this is just the beginning, my life's gonna be beautiful.

Your lips and mine, two sips of wine, memories are made of this.

Motivation is a lotta crap.

The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.

Love is a flower that blooms so tender, each kiss a dew drop of sweet surrender. Love is a moment of life enchanting, let's take that moment that tonight is granting.

Everybody makes mistakes; look at Hitler.

Return to me, for my heart wants you only. Hurry home, hurry home, won't you please hurry home to my heart.

The thing I notice first about a woman is her walk. A beautiful woman is like a race horse-slim, sleek and with a beautiful carriage.