Dean Martin Quotes

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water."

You don't quite know how drunk you are until all of a sudden you're on the floor.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Promise me one thing: don't take me home until I'm drunk - very drunk indeed.

Sometimes when you get hammered till the small hours you feel pretty good in the morning, but really it's just because you're still a bit drunk. That old hangover is just toying with you, working out when to bite.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I simply don't know how to act as if I am drunk.

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

I wanna get drunk 'til I'm off my mind. One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.

It's always difficult to make conversation with a drunk, and there's no denying it, the sober are at a disadvantage with him.

If drunk were cookies, I'd be Famous Amos

It would be pleasant to be drunk.

The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.

If getting drunk was how people forgot they were mortal, then hangovers were how they remembered.

Some of you fellers are getting 'Whiskey Slick.'

That's what was wrong with drinking too much. You became immune to drunken delights. There was no solace in liquor. Before you got happy, you collapsed.

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.

Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

Not drunk is he who from the floor - Can rise alone and still drink more; But drunk is They, who prostrate lies, Without the power to drink or rise.

Whiskey's to tough, Champagne costs too much, Vodka puts my mouth in gear. I hope this refrain, Will help me explain, As a matter of fact, I like beer.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Come, for my part I will have only those glorious, manly pleasures of being very drunk, and very slovenly.

Wine is a mocker, strong drink is riotous; and whoever is deceived by it is not wise

At the third cup, wine drinks the man.