Matt Haig Quotes

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water."

Sometimes when you get hammered till the small hours you feel pretty good in the morning, but really it's just because you're still a bit drunk. That old hangover is just toying with you, working out when to bite.

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

You don't quite know how drunk you are until all of a sudden you're on the floor.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I simply don't know how to act as if I am drunk.

March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.

Promise me one thing: don't take me home until I'm drunk - very drunk indeed.

Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.

Some of you fellers are getting 'Whiskey Slick.'

Go to bed, you fool," Calcifer said sleepily. "You're drunk." "Who, me?" said Howl. "I assure you, my friends, I am cone sold stober." He got up and stalked upstairs, feeling for the wall as if he thought it might escape him unless he kept in touch with it. His bedroom door did escape him.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

I wanna get drunk 'til I'm off my mind. One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.

It's always difficult to make conversation with a drunk, and there's no denying it, the sober are at a disadvantage with him.

If drunk were cookies, I'd be Famous Amos

Only our memories allow that some people ever existed. That they mattered, or mattered too much.

It would be pleasant to be drunk.

Drunkenness does not create vice; it merely brings it into view.

Whiskey claims to itself alone the exclusive office of sot-making.

Of all vices take heed of drunkenness; other vices are but fruits of disordered affections--this disorders, nay, banishes reason; other vices but impair the soul--this demolishes her two chief faculties, the understanding and the will; other vices make their own way--this makes way for all vices; he that is a drunkard is qualified for all vice.

Wine maketh the band quivering, the eye watery, the night unquiet, lewd dreams, a stinking breath in the morning, and an utter forgetfulness of all things.

Well... you know, I would wake up with a terrible hangover in a jail somewhere and worst part was that I would not know why I was there.

I was somewhat drunk with what I had done. And I am always one to prefer being sober.